I cried. Just that. I'm here saying that I cried over something. Well, ain't I special... At least, it's not that bad to feel real once in a while. And to discover through the pain who is by your side. It really is. But I probably won't forget, and hatred will be build up. I don't hate. But I admit I was disappointed. Sometimes I just wonder if the ones getting things really complicated are the others. They lack comprehension most of the times. They don't want to comprehend nothing more than their own reasons. I know, this happens to me too. But I try my best not to fall into this mistake.

Some word and thought relief under this title.

I've been confused by some things lately. All of them lead to the main question: Who I truly am? With no masks on, no hypocrisy, nothing on, just me and plain me. Why do I give my best? What for?

When the most important thing is taken from you, what do you do to fill the void it leaves?

I was re-reading some of my old blog posts, when I was like a foolish romantic person. I don't mean to say love is foolish itself; it's me who was a foolish. Well, back to the subject: They don't belong to me anymore. All these words that I wrote, that were so important to me, because were related to a person very important to me; I don't feel like they have anything to do with me anymore.

What is good. Means I truly forgot her. I forgot her, and, I can happily state this, that my scar isn't big. It healed, but only about her. The kind of attitude she had, and all the time I lost on something that would end because someone is a coward?

I am sorry. I just can't take this. I may not be the most courageous person on Earth, but... if it's for someone I love, I could even overdo my limits, many, many times. It's strong like this. For them, I can be strong. It just doesn't penetrate my mind how someone could give up so easily because of little... details.

Don't tell me details are important, because I know they are. I am a perfectionist myself. But some details are minimal in comparison to some situations.

Then, after healing from "her", and still carrying the scar about what she did, I am proud I didn't cry. If I had, then I would know the wound would probably never heal. As I didn't, I feel relieved that I can move on with no further worries. But I am stumbling on the same question over and over again:

Who am I? What do I want, what's my goal for which I am always giving my best? Do I belong here...?

This bothers me very much. Not knowing something I feel I should, bothers me very much. And even something about me, I should know myself.

I like to look at the past "myselves" and see what changed and what didn't change. My hard personality, hate for socialization, and, believe it or not, unnatural care for others, stay the same. I feel... I am more acute to some feelings. Sometimes I think that's a kind of... talent. But sometimes, I wish I didn't know so much about these things anyway. It's very painful. But somewhat... improved.

Yes. I grew up.

I think that's what I'll always look forward to. Be a better person. Improve in everything. To have a goal in life is very hard. You can't turn back not even once, if you do, you'll always be turning back to everything and won't accomplish anything. I hope... I won't change. And I hope... Everything will work out just fine.

So, I am alive.

Just a very, very busy person. Also, I am very busy at the given moment, so I am likely to disappear even more.

You, Nemesis person: please, chill out. I know who you are, and don't worry, I didn't forget about you guys. It's just that I have no spare time (I wish I had) anymore. Ah... Life ends up eating you when you get older.

I'll try my best to accomplish with everything.

I had a nightmare.

Enough said. I'm not willing to write about it. I don't want to remember. Maybe I'm worrying too much. I hope so.

An image.

I was tempted to. Oh, yes, I am a orange freak, it's my favorite color. Plus... I know already my writing is very curved. :3

Wow...

...Yeah... I kind of abandoned this. Poor blog. Well, life caught me up, so, I have to deal with it! I'm not complaining, though. Nah, the blog is mine, no one comes here, I post whenever I want. Yes.

I'm not sure why I decided to post here today. I can say today, Friday, September 24th is maybe a special day. Well, it's friday! And the day was full of epic things, so, I could just... "do my part"?

I have just awoken up from a dream I had and found myself all alone in the house. Time to party. Being honest, I feel somewhat revitalized; I needed this. I miss her so much. Dreaming just soothed my heart. It was so real... Upon awakening, I tried to "come back", but it was too late, I was fully awake. OTL

I remember I was on MSN, in my pajamas top and underwear, as always, and then she just got offline without even saying goodbye. I thought it was weird, but, well, it happens, maybe her connection was lost, or something. Then, hours later, my phone ringed and no one wanted to answer, so there I went.

"Hello?"
"Hi, I'm coming. Could you open the door for me? c:"
"AHGAHSFSAHSSGJKDA WHAT, HANNAH? WHAT?"
"I am going to spend the New Year with you, bah! Open the door?"
"S-sure, but... I didn't know you where coming... I'm on underwear, and such..."
"Nah, it's okay." _{> she says this a lot <3}

Then I just had to wait for her in my apartment's door, covering myself with a blanket (epic scene). When the elevator's door opened, I just glomped her. Ah, I missed this feeling so much. See, I miss the touch contact.

Weird (and funny thing) is that one of her friends came with her; I thought it was because she couldn't travel alone? Not sure, but I like him somehow, even not knowing the guy. He just sat at the sofa with her and they began talking with my family like they knew them already, LOL. But it was my old family members, before my dad got divorced. These were my best New Year's family reunions.

After this, an important procedure: freaking out with Rikki at MSN yelling with Caps Lock at him. My demonstration of happiness is something that Master Card won't buy XD

I was still covering myself with the blanket, by the way. For some reason, she ended up in the kitchen to get a fork and a knife, and I was behind her. I'm a shameless person, I assume; my kitchen's lighting is weak because it needs two lamps and one is missing. I took advantage on this because I felt the urge to. She just pulled me laughing with a "not here", but she kissed me anyway. In a "real dream" like that you can see why I feel so happy.

Well, after this, she seemed a bit sick. I understand that, whenever I travel, I get this sick feeling, I feel weak and such. So I asked if she wanted to lay down for a moment, hoping she would feel better. She did so, and I stood by her side, messing with her hair because I am annoying.

Then, it was New Year's toast time. Everyone hugging each other, toasting, cheering, and all. I really enjoyed this when I had my "real" family. The last thing I remember of doing was hugging her having a glass of whine without alcohol in my right hand. We always bought those "no alcohol drinks", I don't enjoy alcohol. Ah, btw, I finally put pants on, my pajamas pants.

AND THEN. I woke up. Euphoric as I really had lived it. I feel pretty euphoric right now. Ha~ I really feel frustrated for not being able to remember many good dreams, but I am glad I could remember this one. After all, everything I wanted to do yesterday was like this. Ah, if someone had already invented teleportation.

I would use it, really!

Black Rock Shooter

I just watched the Black Rock Shooter (link for the song if you don't know it yet) OVA. Black Rock Shooter, originally, was a picture by the Supercell band member HUKE. The following:



Later, a song was created based on this picture, its PV as well. It was also made and animated by HUKE, while the lyrics and song itself belong to another Supercell member, ryo, known for making the songs World is Mine _{(WAARUDO IZU MAIN, ワールドイズマイン)}, Love is War _{(Koi wa Sensou, 恋は戦争)} and Melt _{(MERUTO, メルト)}. In all of these songs, the software Hatsune Miku VOCALOID CVC02 by Crypton was used as singer.

_{Wow, feature time here! It's almost merchandising! Now back to the subject.}

In fact, Black Rock Shooter is not Hatsune Miku. They just happened to look alike.

FINICKY PEOPLE ABOUT SPOILERS, STOP HERE. I won't tell anything relevant about the OVA, but you can't say I didn't warn you I was about to say something.

Right in the beginning it shows us how Black Rock Shooter got her scars. That was an unnecessary but still interesting point, I enjoyed they did show it.
While switching scenes between the "BRS territory" and "real world" I noticed it had a hidden sense. Somehow, the things happening in the BRS territory were kind of predicting what would happen next in the real world. I don't know if I'm seeing more than I was meant to, but I connected things like this.

It's way more interesting to see it and give it an understanding of your own.

And also! Mato is the kind of protagonist who captivates us. She shows us her real feelings all the time, that's great! Her friendship with Yomi was one of the tighest I ever saw, and I admit, it deeply touched me. The part when Mato asks Yomi if she can lend her homework to her was the best for me xD Also all the beautiful moments they spent together. It soothes my soul to see true friendships like their.

When the final battle ended, I cried, seriously. Black Rock Shooter tried with all of her emotion and guts. When she finally said "Watashi wa... Burakku Rokku Shutaa _{(I am Black Rock Shooter)}", I went crazy.

Then, my impressions about the OVA: if you look too literal on it, you'll find it pretty vague. That it's only one of those silly stories when two people are friends and they then have problems on their relationship and end up enemies. This is very clichè.

If you understand the moral within the story, I'm sure you can enjoy it. Also, the animation is very good, the colors are rich, the movements, perfect, the feeling on it. And if you like Black Rock Shooter's song, of course you would go crazy when it finally plays on the OVA.